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Mirena Website

  • Apr. 3rd, 2009 at 6:24 PM

I just found a really awesome Mirena website, full of fellow sufferers, like myself.  This is the post I just made to it...

http://community.homeandhealthtv.co.uk/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/596101191/m/483101612

I have now been Mirena free for 4 days. 

 

Cut Because it is long... )

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A Real Post!

  • Mar. 12th, 2009 at 12:03 AM

No, I have not dropped off the face of the earth...
It's just been a crazy... well, I was going to say month, but I'll say monthsss.  I haven't had a real day off in nearly a month.  I moved the last two days off I had in a row, and then I was supposed to have two days off last week but then I got roped in to working one of those days.  The one day I did have off, Saturday, I did laundry and then cleaned my old apartment.  And, even though Matt will be here (tomorrow offically) Friday, I have had to work all this week.  
The anxiety isn't really any better...  I have started walking the last 3 days.  I do feel better after the walk, which is helpful.  But the mood swings are still fairly severe.  One minute, fine.  Next minute, panicky, chest tight, racing pulse.  *sigh*  I really am so sick of it.  I can feel exactly when the anxiety hits, and I am 100% cognitively aware of it, but can't do anything about it.  It just sits.  And sometimes it is only there for a few minutes, other times, it's constant, for an hour, two, the afternoon, however long it takes for me to talk myself down from it, or to think about something else long enough that I don't feel it.  The mornings are really some of the hardest times.  I'm usually fine, until I'm out of bed.  And then it just hits me, nearly as soon as my feet hit the floor.  I've been taking Tylenol PM at night because I'm so afraid of not being able to sleep and being woken up.  But I know I have to stop taking it.  I won't take it when Matt is here, and we'll see.  
I know that part of it is that I just need to have a break.  Part of it is that I seem to have more anxiety when at work... I think that's not totally un normal, but I know that it still shouldn't feel like that.  I feel like all of the symptoms have gotten worse over the last month.  I think that that could be due to a number of things.  But what I do know for sure is that this is NOT me. 
Anyway...
I've gotten 4 of my 5 potholders for the swap, and I'm doing another dishcloth swap! Yay :)
And Matt will now oficially be here TOMORROW!     

Well, or so I believe...
I have had my Mirena (IUC Birth control) since November 4th and since then, I really do feel like I've had a noticeable change in my mood and my overall mental health.
I have been having a really hard time lately.  I know that a lot of it has to deal with the fact that I have a LOT going on in my life right now.  However, I feel like my ability to cope and function as a normal person has been severely compromised.  I can't say 100% for sure that the reason my life has felt so topsy turvey lately is because of the Mirena, but I have a very strong suspicion that that is it.  I have been researching online and a lot of the symptoms I have are the same reported by dozens of other women.
My symptoms include...

1. Random crying - Now, previous to the Mirena, this had been a little bit of an issue because I had stopped smoking.  Now, I can be set off on any simple little thing.  Sometimes my eyes just well up with tears, other times I flat out bawl.  It can happen at any moment, for any reason.  I can be talking to someone, and in mid conversation, feel myself fighting back tears.

2. Bad anxiety.  Especially right after waking up.  I have a hard time getting out of bed, I never feel rested.  I don't have a really hard time falling asleep, but I cannot stay asleep.  I used to wake up maybe once during the night to pee, or because of an extremely loud noise, but then I'd fall right back asleep.  I've always been a heavy sleeper and dreamed a lot, and remembered those dreams.  Now I wake up maybe four or five times during the night and it usually takes me a couple minutes to fall back asleep.  When I have to get up for the day, I have a hard time getting going when I used to just get right out of bed.  This symptom has only been exassperated by the fact that I had crazy neighbors up until this weekend.  However, I am still having insomnia issues.

3. Mood Swings.  One moment I feel like everything is going to be ok.  The next minute, I have this physical feeling of wait pressing down on me.  I just feel "low," a lot of the time.  I sink down to those low spots very easily, but have a really hard time acheiving the high spots.  I just can't get excited about things that I used to.  I can, briefly, but then that high spot is just overwhelemed with the sinking feeling again.

4. Decreased sex drive.  This one is very pronounced.  I'm typically the type of person who is at least interested in sex once a day.  Usually, a lot more.  However, I have a hard time getting my libido raring to go even once a week.  It's not that I don't think about sex, because I do.  And I do get in the mood ocassionally, but not even 10% of my previous sex drive.  It makes me feel guilty that I can't initiate more with Matt, though I know he understands.  Even though he is sweet, and loving and caring and kind, it is still not fair to him, when before, I was ready to go a couple times a day, easy.

5. Depression.  Now, I know that a lot of the above symptoms can be characteristic of depression.  I've done a lot of research.  However, I've suffered from bouts of depression in my life.  Nothing ever serious enough to seek medical help, as I'd usually get out of my "funk" and life would continue as normal.  I have been able to get through those times and come out eventually feeling refreshed.  However, this is a totally different feeling from anything like that that I've felt before.  I think the lowness I'm feeling is probably the most severe issue.  Then, the insomnia only makes that worse.

I found a website that had woman after woman describing the same symptoms as me, that were all eventually linked to the Mirena that they had had inserted.  I really don't know why it didn't dawn on me before that that could be what my issue was.  I just assumed, at first, that I was going through a funk and had a lot of stress, and that it would eventually even out and go back to normal.  However, that has not happened.  Not only have things not going back to normal, but I just feel myself getting lower and lower.
The problem I find myself in at this point is that Matt will be here in a week and if I have the  Mirena taken out, that leaves us unprotected against pregnancy (with the exception of less reliable options.)  So I think my decision is to leave it in for the next three weeks and see how things are going.  I would know by then, I think whether or not it actually is the Mirena or not.
The thought does occur to me, that indeed I could just be suffering from anxiety and depression, which is not related to the Mirena.  Given how things have been lately, I find that less likely, but still possible.  If indeed, I am suffering from full on depression, I know that that is something that I am going to have to deal with.  I would love for it to all be related to the Mirena.  I really don't want to be on a series of medication for depression, insomnia, anxiety, and any other symptom that I might have.  The fact scares me.  I'm not one of those people who contemplates suicide.  I know that that is and never has been an issue.  So I know that the chance of me offing myself is zero.  However, I can't continue to live how I have been living for the last few months.  I know that I am incredibly lucky that Matt is so understanding and wonderful and good to me.  I know that without him and the support of my family, I wouldn't be able to have even gotten this far.  I know that I can't continue this way, however.  The weight is so crushing sometimes that I don't know if I'll ever come out of it.
I feel like I have dealt with all of these issues to some extent before.  However, for the last few months, I feel like things have gone a litle out of control concerning the way that my emotions are going.  I have a few glimmers of hope, a few days, a few hours, some days, only a few minutes, but they go away fairly quickly.
I just want to feel ok.  I don't need to be super excited all of the time, but eliminating the lows would be helpful.
I really hope that removing the Mirena is the answer to the way I've been feeling.  I know that if it is not, I'll have to explore other routes, but if all that I have read has any weight, then I think that that is my best place to start.

Anxiety

  • Jan. 5th, 2009 at 10:54 AM

The job is getting better, really it is.  But I still feel this massive amount of anxiety.  Either over it, or how many hours I'll get, or over working two jobs, or something.  I can't quite pinpoint it, but anxiety is about the only thing that I can call it.  I went to bed fine.  I felt fine.  I felt like I had a good day at work.  I wasn't too busy, I got things done.  I'm getting along with my co-workers.  Things get a little bit better there each day.
Yet, I wake up in the morning (the last couple mornings) with this overwhelming, panicky feeling.  I don't know if it's just the uncertainty of the future, or what it is.  My chest feels tight and a bit fluttery.  I feel cold... And not like temperature cold, really.  But I'll feel a little panicky and a rush of cold goes over my body.
I pretty much had a sobbing break down yesterday afternoon before I had to do in to work. 
Mostly what I'm worrying about right now is having enough hours at the current job.  I'm not scheduled for full-time hours, but I was assured that I would get them, that my schedule would change.  The thing is, I don't want to sit here, stress myself out to learn this job, and then end up having to find something else and quit because I can't get enough hours.  While I'm working the other job, it's fine.  I'll have enough to pay bills, no problem.  But, if they decide at the flooring place that I can no longer stay on just part time, I'm screwed.  And realistically, I don't want to just have 2 part time jobs.  I would need to start looking again for a full-time job. 
I do like the job so far.  Most parts of it.  I think a lot of the stress there is because it is still overwhelming and a lot to know.  I just wish I could feel as confident in it when I leave at the end of the night as I do when I wake up the next morning...
I seriously considered smoking again for a couple days there.  I won't.  I couldn't.  I couldn't do it, not a single drag.  But I'm having a hard time finding an outlet for my stress and anxiety...  And with the exception of going to the doctor's and getting medicated, I don't know what to do.
Matt helps.  Having him there, knowing he's something I'm working towards does help.  It helps me keep going.  However, it's still hard, at the same time.  I know he'll be here in a little over 2 months for 2 weeks.  And I'm so excited about that.  But then I keep thinking about the flip side of that... He'll be leaving, and I probably won't see him until December.  And the thought just kills me...
So, I trudge through each day, each minute, anxious, nervous and stressed, just to have any moment I can with him.  It feels like life should be more...  More than just an endless monotony of days leading up to a big thing.  I just want to be with him every day.  I think I could get through the monotony, as long as it was with him...

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